mourning the death of a cellular phone...

No...my fone did not dive into a body of water like what Friend's fone did [although i sincerely wished that was my case, at least Friend got to have his fone repaired...]

And no, my fone did not jump a couple of stories [or more] high and get mashed up or something.

It was quite simple really. My fone's death I mean, one minute it was there the next thing I knew it wasn't. Just like death, one moment you're there alive and full of promise and whatnots, and the next you just... aren't.

Ok, back to my fone.

Yeah, I know I'm sooo "morbid" I'm equating losing my cellphone to actual death. Whatever. When you know that the next time you're gonna get a good-enough-cellphone is prolly by the time you get yourself your own job and buy it with you're own money, you're entitled to a little grief and mourning [ok, maybe I'm exaggerating about that buy-with-your-own paycheck part but I sure as hell know that my 'rentz won't be buying me a new fone anytime soon].

I am mentally kicking myself in the butt for my stupid mistake. God, was i dumb. Damn. Why me?

hahayz...

Well, as Sir Silot always say: "shit happens".

My Five Stages of Grief

1st stage. Denial.
"kayata naa raman toh ngari bah...*proceeds to empty entire contents of bag.* still no cellphone."

2nd stage. Anger.
"pisti man toh sya. yawaa sya! mayta mamatay tong giatay. leche!!! !@#$^&**^*()%##$"

3rd stage. Bargaining.
"*texts cellphone number. pleads w/ cellphone kawatan* *calls cellphone kawatan* one ring then no answer. grrr."

4th stage. Depression.
`endless eating and ingesting foods to keep mind off of the incident, nahan unta ko mag twiggen nya ni man ko kuygan sa ako kuya. rawr.
`sleeping instead of magstudy sa test nako sa philo kay na depressed nawala ang fone.
`wa naminaw sa discussion ni sir silot coz na sad. =<

^still in this stage^

5th stage. Acceptance.
`i have yet to reach this stage...

didnt want to be sentiMENTAL or preachy.. maybe im MORE bored than i thought i was...

Today is the 1st official day of my sembreak vaca.
After all the grueling hours of studying for finals, I can finally sit back and actually have a life.
I still cannot believe i SURVIVED this semester, let alone be somewhat glad just by thinking about it. Remembering my almost-"slit-my-wrists"-kind-of-depression when the term started back in June, I was NOT happy with my classes, schedule, classmates, people I was forced to be with and skool in general.
I was lonely, cranky, pessimistic and unhappy. Until then, I never realized that I, Melodee Ness Catarata Samontañez actually needed the company of my friends. Since time immemorial, I usually take my friends for granted, they're there and I'm there and there was nothing more to it. But then, when something that you've been used to have for so long is suddenly snatched from you, you tend to feel empty inside, like a part of you is missing or something like that and that is EXACTLY how I felt when all of a sudden I literally did not have anyone to talk to, spend time with, laugh around with anymore all because of my stupid class schedule.
Now, looking back, I realized that all of it was worth it.
Never in a million years would I realize my own worth as a person. Being constantly around friends or familiar people makes you relaxed and somewhat "dependent" on other people. But when you're all alone and no one but you is looking after you, you tend to come out of your comfort zone. You'd be able to know all the things you'd be good at because you work harder and you can have a chance to shine because you won't be overshadowed by your "comfort people".
Being alone this semester also paved way for me to know more people than I would've if I'd been with my friends. Like I said before, being with friends makes you comfy, too comfy that you don't wanna wander and discover other people or possibilities. Knowing and befriending new people eased my (although I'm ashamed to admit it) somewhat-judgemental quality. People aren't exactly what you percieve them to be. This one girl I used to make fun of a lot before is now someone I share stuffs to and at times I get to miss a lot. If you'd ask me before this semester for something about her, I'd have told you this one embarrasing thing she said aloud and that'd be the sole basis why I won't be caught dead being buddies with her. Now however, I'd be willing to defend her from people who would do the same thing I did to her. Crazy ain't it?
Yeah, so that would be just the tip of the iceberg to the zillion things that've changed for me this semester, but I dont wanna enumerate all of them now.
In the end, I guess God or fate or some higher being or force set me up to be separated from my friends this semester to change me, my perceptions and a small part of my life in general so as to build a better me ready to face the uncertain tomorrow.

The END of friendships?!?

ok...it's been awhile...but here i am! =)

I haven't done this lately, so I dont know where to begin anymore... hmmm.. let's just start with the word FRIENDS.

Typically, your average-everyday-people who you hang around with for company or the person who has been with you through UPS, especially DOWNS and that person you can share secrets with (without fear of it spreading like a virus), joke around with and sympathize/empathize with . Basically they are your extended family or the kuya/ate, brother/sister you never had. These people are your support system, your identity, your FRIENDS.

But then, what happens when someone decides to cross that invinsible line of friendship? What if someone realizes that the boundaries of friendship are too restrictive and impulsively strides over to the much greener pasture of relationships with love interests in mind?

Would this mean THE END of the "average-everyday-people" you get to hang around with everyday? Is this the death of your extended family; ie. kuya/ate, brother/sister relationship when you pursue girlfriend/boyfriend status?? Oh god, I sure hope not...

They say relationships are best formed between individuals who were friends first... but what if relationships would spell t-h-e e-n-d of friendships?! Is that greener pasture really worth the risk of trading for what grass you have in possession right now???

Hayz...when did life become so COMPLICATED?!

oh wait..scratch that. ;))

They aren't just people anymore... they are MY FRIENDS.

Whew. This day was exhausting and interesting.
Rereading my previous blog post which was dreary, sad and opposite of all hope...this day proved me wrong.
To make an EXTREMELY LONG story short, during chemistry laboratory, I confronted the leader of group 6 [allegedly the ones who copied from our group that lead us to have deduction points from the previous activity, I don't really know the WHOLE story because I wasn't there when Miss Teves decided to deduct points from our group for "seemingly" letting other group(s) copy from our work], Cezar, and asked him upfront about it. He was kinda reluctant at first but I kept pressing him on 'til he finally gave in. [mwahaha, the power of being a year older]
He told me [with almost everyone in the vicinity listening] that it was Satchi that got answers from our group. So I asked him where he supposed Satchi got her answers from [coz she was absent] and he sorta pointed to Clifford.
So with that, I confronted him about it, and he sorta went all crazy and started giving empty threats to us [fellow group members]. I got all irate and plunged back his threat back to him. That's when he went mental on me. I didn't see what really happened coz I sorta walked out on him, turning my back coz I didnt want to hear his rubbish. But later, Ate Kristine told me he was so angry that he was like shaking in fury AT me. damn. I got kinda scared, but was quickly reassured when Buddy and Vani came to my side and asked me what that was all about. I told them bits and pieces of what just happened and they told me they were gonna talk to him.
It wasn't until after Chemistry lecture that I had finally got ALL of Buddy and Vani's side of the story. After they saw that Clifford was going all mental on me, a girl nonetheless; they decided to "talk" to him. They approached him in the boys' cr where Clifford went after ChemLab. Their conversation are as follows:
"Bai, yaw shagit-shagiti amo amiga bai."
"Daghan man gud ko problema sa balay bai, nya pun-an pajud ani."
"Aw, kung naa kay problema sa balay bai, ayaw dad-a sa skwelahan bai. "
"Respeto pud ta ug babaye ba..."
"Mu respeto man ko ug babaye bai...basta respetohon sad ko..."
And then he got all teary-eyed [or so Buddy and Vani says] like he was gonna cry or something. Har-har-har. Serves him right. =]
Anyway, the fact that Buddy and Vani did what I won't normally expect them to do for me really TOUCHED me. I mean, the fact that we aren't even CLOSE was not a factor they considered when they confronted Clifford. They saw that I was being disrespected and they acted on it... even if the only time we ever talk to each other is before an exam in medterms or a quiz in chem or a return-demo in healthcare... still, they felt that they HAD to defend me from Clifford.
You know, before this day I hadn't considered them my "friends". Just acquaintances that I happen to see at school and share classes with. But after today, I look at them at a different light. They aren't people I just share classrooms with; they aren't just two guys constantly poking fun at anything or anyone, never taking their studies seriously; they aren't just classmates that ask me for an extra ballpen or what we are gonna do for the next class... they aren't these characteristics anymore...
Because from now on, I guess they are MY FRIENDS. =D

I guess, people like me deserve some good days too.

This day by far is the best one in all of my memory.

Instead of the usual happy events concluded by one sad moment that rips everything apart, today the dya started out just the opposite.

I was still quite pissed at my brother and my mom for the fiasco that happened last Friday night and I wasn't in the mood for anything. Not to talk, not to eat and not even to go to church [to hear mass]. I was pretty steamed all morning, even my dad started to notice it and began to ask me what's wrong. But I did not give him the benefit of a reply. Inside I was fuming.

Breakfast was hell. Church was hell. Heck, just being in the car with them all was suffocating. So I was mighty glad when my mom mentioned we were going to downtown Colon for some shopping. If there was anything that could ease my mood, it'd be 3 things: food, internet and shopping. I already tried the 1st one last Friday night after the fiasco but the next morning I woke up with a sour mood. The second one I tried yesterday [Saturday] and still when I woke up from my afternoon siesta, my mood was blacker than ever. So I guess the prospect of shopping to lighten my mood would be the last resort.

Well, guess what, it worked! [a bit]. By midday, I was nearly back to my old self again. ALMOST. But not quite... yet.

It wasn't until lunchtime that I was finally restored [haha, as if I was broken?]. The thing that made me smile again was the new mp4 player my aunt gave me as her belated birthday gift. ^_^

Shallow as it may seem, but music is my HAPPINESS. I have been putting aside some of my allowance for the very reason of purchasing an mp4 player for my music fixation, when out of the blue, the HEAVENS SMILED DOWN UPON me and gave me one instead!!! woohoo!!!

The rest of the day continued to go uphill and haven't suffered any major setbacks ever since... I guess the worst changing for the best [or nearly best] could happen in my life too.

I guess more "ME" time then...

alone.
If I could sum up my entire existence for this new semester alone is the best adjective.
Due to the influx of enrollees this semester for respiratory therapy, the number of students enrolling for a class skyrocketed and left most of the other students [like me] to find other available classes. This would mean that since I was not able to enroll in subjects that were meant for my section, I would have to be inserted into classes meant for other sections. In effect, I would live my life for the whole of this semester by myself, going to and from classes by myself and eat and stuff by myself. So this morning, I got a taste of what life would be like without any friends… at all.

I sorta stepped into a typical “loner’s” shoes today. And I must say, I did not like it one bit.

I read somewhere that Man is a social animal. He needs to constantly interact with people and be among his peers for him to feel fulfilled and content in life. Hmmm… I think that in my case, this maybe true. The age-old cliché that “No man is an island” has deeper meaning to me now. Before, I thought that was all made-up by some wimpy, cling-ish person that cannot live his life without the company of friends and people that he feels comfortable with.

I have NEVER been a “clingy” person. I don’t depend on others for support. I don’t need other people for comfort and I enjoy the company of my own self.

But today, something in me stirred seeing groups of people happily chit-chattering while waiting for the teacher to step inside the classroom. The peals of laughter coming from the typical first years [which were easy to identify because they weren’t wearing uniforms] almost made me feel nostalgic. The fact that I had literally NO ONE to talk to made me a bit melancholy. This coming from someone who wished long and hard the previous semester to be separate from friends so that I’d have more “ME” time. Well, guess what, wishes DO come true. *sigh*

I guess since I sorta wanted this before, I have to live with it now. I gotta learn to survive this semester by myself. No friends. No support system. No one. Just me. Alone…

I think know I can do it… I just gotta try… I hope.

Stuck In My Head

The computer clock says it's 12:59 am... either it's lying or I'm stupid.

I know I have to sleep NOW coz I have to wake up early the next day because I have a dentist appointment, plus work, plus I have to go to CDU again so I can finally be enrolled [today sucked by the way, our adviser didn't show up, so I wasn't allowed by the people in the RS department to fill up some enrollment forms].

As I said, I'm stupid. I have been staring at the screen for quite some time now, because [as usual] I do not know what to write. I was sorely tempted to shut down my computer and sleep, but I read a blog once from a real writer [he wrote several books] that in order to truly become a real writer, you have to write everyday. It's kinda like learning an instrument, like for example, guitar. You have to practice everyday in order for you to master it, otherwise you'd just forget what you've learned and you'll start all over again. Just like in writing, you have to write frequently, for you to get better at it. Even if you've got nothing to write good or "interesting" about, you have to sit and start writing [or typing if you're using a computer] and just let the thoughts flow from your mind, to your fingers, to the paper [or screen]. Practice makes perfect. I think that's what the blog writer advised, and that's what I'm following now...

For lack of better topic, since what's inside my head now is pretty much this song, I decided to share it... maybe it'll get inside your heads too... or maybe I'm just weird. Haha. But the song's lyrics are great though. Well, here it is...

Ready, Aim, Misfire

Artist: New Years Day

Get out of the car, and don't try and stop me

Stay where you are, 'cause there you can't hurt me

You took things too far, and I don't deserve this

You said that you'd be, you'd always be honest

And mean what you say, but you broke every promise

That you ever made, and I don't deserve this
If I had just one bullet, and a trigger I'd pull it

Shoot my cupid out of the sky

Break off his wings, and gouge out his eyes

And thank him for nothing, 'cause that's all that he gave to me

Your love is my heart disease

Don't try and call,

I'm not going to answer

I'm not going to fall for another disaster

That you put me through, and I don't deserve this

No I don't deserve this.
If I had just one bullet, and a trigger I'd pull it

Shoot my cupid out of the sky

Break off his wings and gouge out his eyes

And thank him for nothing, 'cause that's all that he gave to me

Your love is my heart disease

Shoot my cupid out of the sky

Break off his wings and gouge out his eyes

And thank him for nothing, 'cause that's all that he gave to me

Your love is my heart disease

I don't care anymore

About You.

Because without you I'm better off.

Shoot my cupid out of the sky

Break off his wings and gouge out his eyes

And thank him for nothing, 'cause that's all that he gave to me

Your love is my heart disease

Shoot my cupid out of the sky

Break off his wings and ask him just why

He played such a sick joke on the fool that is me

And curse me with this sickness

Your love is my heart disease.

New Years Day lyrics - Ready, Aim, Misfire

my imeem

There may be HOPE for the sight of my right eye?

When I clicked the Yahoo homepage this evening to check my e-mails, my attention was caught by Yahoo's feature news entitled, "Scientists Plan Stem Cell Cure for Blindness". The article featured the new discovery by British scientists the use of stem cells to cure a common form of blindness. The article caught my eye because (as not a lot of people may know) my right eye cannot see. The images coming from my right eye are so blurry that I could harldy identify who or what they are.

When I was around four years old, I had an accident that led me to losing the vision of my right eye. My little brother and I were playing when a toy metallic plane's wings hit my eye and caused the laceration of my cornea. I had to wear glasses at an early age just to correct my right eye's vision, but later on it proved to be futile. The doctor informed me that my brain had shut out completely any image that my right eye sends for comprehension. The irregular images sent by my right eye coupled with the normal ones sent by my left eye caused confusion to my brain's system, so that it decided to shut off completely all images sent by my right eye so as to avoid conflict. I now use my left eye's vision to see the beauty of the things surrounding me.

Anyway, I thought that the article that captured my attention was gonna be a solution to my eye problems, but it wasn't.

LONDON (Reuters) - British
scientists plan to use stem cells to cure a common form of blindness, with the
first patients receiving test treatment in five years.

The pioneering project, launched on Tuesday, aims to repair damaged retinas with
cells derived from human embryonic stem cells. Its backers say it involves
simple surgery that could one day become as routine as cataract operations.
They believe the technique is capable of restoring vision in the vast
majority of patients with age-related macular degeneration (AMD), a leading
cause of blindness among the elderly that afflicts around 14 million people in
Europe.
Some drugs, like Genentech Inc.'s Lucentis, can help the one in 10
patients with so-called "wet" AMD and U.S. biotech firm Advanced Cell Technology
is looking at stem cells in other eye conditions. But there is no treatment for
the 90 percent with "dry" AMD.
AMD is caused by faulty retinal pigment
epithelial (RPE) cells, which form a supporting carpet under the light-sensitive
rods and cones in the retina.
The new procedure will generate replacement
RPE cells from stem cells in the lab, with surgeons then injecting a small patch
of new cells, measuring 4 by 6 millimeters, back into the eye.

(full article: Scientists plan stem cell cure for blindness . )

But as you can see, the newly discovered treatment focuses on retina and AMD problems only. And the embryonic stem cell treatment is still at its trial stage. No sure way of knowing if it will work on humans because the last thing the scientists tested it on before humans were rats.

But hey, I'm not giving up my hopes of curing the sight of my right eye, with the major advancements in medicine today that's sprouting here and there, the next thing I'll know nothing in the medicine world is incurable... even HIV-AIDS and all forms and types of cancer.

As people we love to hope... hope for change, hope for love, hope for newer and brighter things in life. This is because hope is like food for the soul of human beings. When everything around them is for naught, they can always hold on like dear life on hope... hope that one day things would get better... (and guess what, most of the time, things almost always gets better! ^_^)

So yeah, my hopes are still high that someday soon I'll be seeing the world's reflection using BOTH my right and left eye, and then I'd say to myself: "What a wonderful world..."

=D

random thoughts...

My first post... just wanted to share 10 random thoughts that i have come to learn through life's experiences.

+Bitterness only poisons the people around you.+
+Love always ends at one point or another... and everyone's experiences pain from it, not just YOU.+
+When you are miserable, nobody cares... might as well be happy.+
+Silence gets you nowhere.+
+Over thinking ruins the happy moments of life and makes the sad moments even worse than it possibly could.+
+Faking yourself for the sake of appearances never does you any good in any way.+
+Trying hard is never enough, you have to GIVE IT ALL you've got.+
+Wishing on stars only get you nowhere. Try to make your own destiny in life, not on some foreign object you know nothing about.+
+Letting other people know EVERYTHING about you is unhealthy. You have to have your PERSONAL space.+
+Loneliness is one's own doing.+

I have personally experienced these things in my life and can give justice to everything that I have stated above. I just wish I'd follow all these thoughts though...