Thursday, August 28, 2008

A Human Thing.

Finally!
After approximately 1 week, 9 days, 216 hours, 12960 minutes, 777600++
agonizing seconds, we have internet back. Hip-hip Hooray! [I am being sarcastice here, in case you missed it.]

I'm really really EXTREMELY internet-dependent, so don't mind me if I'm a lil cranky.
So, internet-crankiness aside, I wanted to blog about what happened to me last week [would've written SOONER but I'd have to thank Globelines for that, hooray!].
Pardon me, if the euphoric feeling is LONG GONE, would've been BEST if I'd written this while it was still FRESH in my memory, but stupid net's been slow so... bear with me.

University Week. Intramurals. Sports-Fest.
Whatever you wanted to call it, it's the event students spend time and energy preparing & anticipating for. Our's happened last week.
Ever since I entered a freshman in Cebu Doctors' University, I've joined the Track and Field team for the extra credit & not for the passion/love for running, but I prepared for it (ie. practice jogging, sprinting, etc.) nonetheless. It was only this year that I slackened on the "preparation part". Being a 3rd year student bears a LOT of responsibilities and schoolwork just crept up to me, so I didn't have time to practice anymore.
After two years of being part of only relays in the Track and Field event during Intrams meant me running 100 m or less, which also meant I would get away without practice. I was depending on that fact again this year. Afterall, I would be sprinting for what? 15 seconds or less??! Pfffshh. Piece of cake! Or so i thought...
When it was time for the Track and Field events, I was stunned when Kuya Leo [our team captain or whatever he's called] told me I would be running the Women's 400 meter event. [Thank God he chose Kasey for the Women's 3K].
Now this shouldn't have suprised me, afterall I was part of the "older people" now, I wasn't some gushy freshman/sophomore any more, I had to expect this. But I didn't know that Ate Princess (the one who used to run events with long sprinting) did not join the Track and Field team this year, so I DIDN'T EXPECT IT. I was relying on her for that. I was content to be running relays, again, this year.
From the minute I knew until right before my run, I was in panic mode. The fact that my (self-righteous, full-of-herself) teacher, Madame V, squashed on my already-low-self-esteem at that point, didn't help calm my nerves or boost my confidence.
When we were called (Men & Women) for the instructions (on where to turn, what part of the road to run into, the starting line, the finish line, etc.), I was hyperventilating. Seriously. I'm relieved Kuya Leo was too preoccupied to notice and I'm grateful that the Men category were the ones that got to run first, it helped calm my nerves a bit. A teensy little bit. HAHA
The fact that Kuya Leo bagged the gold quite as simply as him breathing air, did not lessen the pressure I felt on my shoulders. When I stepped up to where the other women runners were, my fingers were shaking as I picked up a number from the salakot this man was holding to get my lane number. Number 3. My favorite number in the below 10 category. I hope it was a good sign. [I remember hoping to myself that it was God's sign that I would AT LEAST BE in 3rd place in the race.]
With everyone in position, I tensed. The gun exploded and we were off. This was a strange feeling for me. This was the first time I ran alone, OFFICIALLY. I started the race by myself (for the first time). I wasn't holding a baton to pass unto the next runner. There was NO OTHER RUNNER ready to relieve me should I tire of running. I HAD TO FINISH THE RACE THAT I STARTED ALL BY MYSELF. Such a lonely thought really, but I pounded onwards.
Barely feeling the wind on my face, putting all my thoughts on the sole effort of concentrating in keeping my breathing even, during the first 100 meters or so, my lungs started protesting. Damn the cigarettes. The most recent [at that time] was 4 days ago, see what I meant by NOT being prepared?
When I made the first turn, I saw fleetingly my teammates and friends, cheering me on but they barely registered in my head. I was too busy concentrating on keeping my breath steady and my pace even. I was also repeating in my head all the techniques they had been drilling in my head the last hour. So even if I was aching to increas my pace, I had to reserve that "running-as-fast-as-you-can-part" when it was less than a 100m from the finish line. [Friend-Ralph specifically mentioned that, else I'd be too exhausted to reach the finish line.] I kept that in mind as I jogged on.
Though my lungs ached, my mouth dry, I kept pushing myself to go forward. I WOULD NOT BE THE LAST ONE, I kept telling myself over and over again. I was surprised though, I could see NO ONE ahead of me, nor at the sides. I was sorely tempted to look at my back, see how far the competition was, but I remembered Kuya Leo telling us before [when I was still running relays] to NEVER do that. So i quelled the urge and thundered onwards.
nagsakit na nyu mata ug basa?? haha...intermission sa woh...

As I neared the last turn, my legs started protesting, but I kept running, I was still in the lead, adrenaline pumping hard now. The final 100m. I gave it all I've got. The wind was howling in my ears. My lungs were protesting. My vision started to get hazy and covered in white light. I could hear people screaming, cheering me on but muted, somehow distant, like static on the radio. My legs didn't feel right. Like they were strangely disconnected from my body. I was afraid of spraining or worse, tumbling over and fracturing it. But I kept on going, I was worried now. Where were the others? Why didn't they catch up with me? Was I still on the right track? Did I do something wrong? Did I miss a turn? I didn't think I was the fastest runner, so why was I still in the lead?

The cheers got louder, though still static. Apparently I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was on the right track. I neared the finish line. I could see it now. The gold medal was as good as mine. I envisioned going to Madame V afterwards and rightly laugh in-her-face, which is what she so often does in our class. I became cocky. Arrogant. Too confident in myself. Grasping the right to the gold medal when it wasn't quite in my reach just yet. I lost my even concentration, too eager for the win [which wasn't mine yet] and a teeny bit [over]paranoid of the state of feeling nothing from my legs. I could barely feel them connected to the rest of my body anymore... I decreased my speed, not giving it all that I've got now... I slowed for my last stop over the finish line, confident. Cocky. Before I could even put down my right foot, in mid-air I suppose, a movement to my left caught my peripheral vision; something red blurred, then screams of triumph erupted. The rejoice of the RED AND WHITE. Nursing. They won. Yet again. I cringed. I was so close. I wasted it.
Don't get me wrong, silver isn't so bad. Personally I like silver MORE than gold. [Maybe that's why I got silver lang. Harhar.] But the "paghihinayang" is there. According to the words of Friend after my event, "All that effort during the start of the race, all gone in that final moment. Such a waste. Really."
And I knew it was ALL very true.
But I'm thankful I didn't stay long there to over-analyze what went wrong [which is what I often do], because I had to fill in for Ianne in the Discus throwing event and Shotput. It was an embarassing experience which I hope to keep in the deepest file folder of my subconscious. HAHA.

All all, last week was a great week. I learned a lot on humility and whatnots. haha, I wanted to accurately explain the high i felt after a 400m sprint and my first foray on Discus-throwing and Shotput [and also my Volleyball rookie career, lol], but I can't quite put my finger on that feeling any longer [again, thanks to Globelines due to the delay of this blog]. Must be a human thing, the feeling passes and fades away over time...