THANKS for making baMa feel special Friend!!!

Wow. V-day. A day I dreaded coz of the love-fest(s) I was bound to see and then endure watching people carry stuffs that commercialism has taught us to be the "symbol(s)" of a person's love for an individual. And of course I would then be green with jealousy.

But hey, surprise surprise!

Friend gave baMa roses.

I was stunned.

The almost-depression I was feeling all day lifted. Not only because Friend gave me something for the sappy holiday (although that was the BIGGEST cause of my sudden elatedness), but it was for the fact that Friend thought of bama and made us feel special.

Actually, Friend proved to me something much more important...

He cares for us. Truly cares. No pretensions. For real.

And THAT made me insanely hApPy!

The best things in life are the unexpected swerves we make along the road. The thrill we feel awakens the stupor of our soul and YOU my Friend is/are one helluva surprise!

You know how I felt about you when we first met, and now I could just slap myself for EVER thinking that.

Stupid, idiotic, INSANE me.

As you perfectly phrased and said to me toniite, "Where were you all my life?" Well Friend, I say that to you too. Where have you been all this time? Never mind that, at least we HAVE the rest of our lives now! Riite?

[so mura na ta'g uyab ani Friend? I'll stop the drama na... hahaha]

Thanks Friend!

Not just for that rose but for everything else that it symbolized- - -your friendship, your trust, your love and everything else along with it.

Love you so much Friend!!!

mwah

ps. well Friend,YOU will now be the answer to anyone who asks me the question, "Who was the first guy that gave you flowers?"

my final goodbye... to a friend I hope to meet in the afterlife...

Do all dogs go to heaven?

I am once again reminded of how fragile life really is...
I don't wanna expound on the complexities and the mysteries of life like the last time someone I knew passed away. Refer to my old blog posts for that... I just wanna sit here. I just wanna type. It's been months since my last blog post and this is my FIRST blog post of the year and starting it with a blog post about death, could be a bad omen. But I don't really care anyway.

I am here sitting, and typing... my grief away.
You see, my dog Slikker [who would've turned 6 six years with us this February] met an untimely death last Saturday night.
I don't wanna be pointing blaming fingers so I guess I'll accept that the fault was as much as mine.
She was found dead yesterday morning by the side of the road by my father and sister after the village security guard told them that the other night Slikker escaped from our gate and got run over by a vehicle.
I blame myself for the whole debacle because the afternoon before Sunday [on Slikker's last day on Earth] I bathed her. It's a normal thing for Slikker to have a bath and later on that same day find some way to rub herself against the ground so she could have her "normal" scent back not the "just clean" scent that's alien to her senses. A couple of times before she also managed to escape the house and rub herself with poop-scent and come back tail-wagging, smelling of feces. [I always imagine her with a sheepish smile on her face that would sober up instantly the minute I scold her.]
But that Saturday night she escaped for the LAST time. If only I didn't bathe her that afternoon. If only my brother placed her back inside the cage after he fed her. If only the village guard called our attention when she escaped. If only that @%#*$()%&^$! driver looked at the road properly and saw that there was a living creature right in front of his/her frikken path. And if only I'd have felt that Slikker needed me that night... she would've lived.

Yep. All I have now are my if only's.

Never will I have someone by my side when my whole family's against me. Never will I have someone to comfort me and make me happy inside when I'm feeling emow-wish. Never will I have someone to call out to and arrogantly ignore me but would eventually give in when she hears a hint of anger in my voice.
Never will she greet me home from school ever again. Never will she stand by my side at the dining table during meal times pawing at my lap begging for food. Never will I feel her licking my my hands nor my face. Never will I hear her ferocious bark that's so loud for such a small dog. Never will I see her lying [with that sheepish grin I'd imagine again] on the sofa quite as naturally as if she truly owned that piece of furniture. Never will I see her lying on the pieces of laundry on the floor on those times I did the laundry. Never again will I get to chase her round and round the house until she sees that I'm tired of chasing her when it's time for her bath. And never again shall I have such a loyal dog as she was yet I could still see the fire in her spirirt telling me that though she is just a dog and dogs by nature submit willingly to humans, she on the other hand has pride that rises her above the average dog.

NEVER EVER AGAIN.

God, i HATE those words.

As I'm crying while I'm doing this, my tears fall for my beloved Slikker. I hope that your stay here with us, with me, was a happy one. I cannot express my gratitude sincerely enough for all the happy times you shared with me and standing by me on those times I needed someone the most.
Though you were just a dog, to me you were more than that. MUCH MORE than that. I cannot put into words the EXACT meaning of what you were in my life for the past [almost] 6 years.

So I thank you dear friend.

Thank you for the warmth.
Thank you for the the companionship.
Thank you for giving more than what a normal dog could ever give us, could give me.
Thank you for brightening up our house with your crazy antics.
Thank you for keeping the house safe for the last [almost] 6 years.
Thank you for giving us Cheska, Pollie and Porkie.
Thank you for being part of this family.
Thank you.
Thank you...

Rest In Peace Slikker.
Though you are gone, you will always be remembered...

Through the haze of my teary eyes, I say this to you...
"Journey well my good friend.
Until we meet each other again someday...
I shall miss you."

Which leads me back to my beginning statement... do all dogs go to heaven?

mourning the death of a cellular phone...

No...my fone did not dive into a body of water like what Friend's fone did [although i sincerely wished that was my case, at least Friend got to have his fone repaired...]

And no, my fone did not jump a couple of stories [or more] high and get mashed up or something.

It was quite simple really. My fone's death I mean, one minute it was there the next thing I knew it wasn't. Just like death, one moment you're there alive and full of promise and whatnots, and the next you just... aren't.

Ok, back to my fone.

Yeah, I know I'm sooo "morbid" I'm equating losing my cellphone to actual death. Whatever. When you know that the next time you're gonna get a good-enough-cellphone is prolly by the time you get yourself your own job and buy it with you're own money, you're entitled to a little grief and mourning [ok, maybe I'm exaggerating about that buy-with-your-own paycheck part but I sure as hell know that my 'rentz won't be buying me a new fone anytime soon].

I am mentally kicking myself in the butt for my stupid mistake. God, was i dumb. Damn. Why me?

hahayz...

Well, as Sir Silot always say: "shit happens".

My Five Stages of Grief

1st stage. Denial.
"kayata naa raman toh ngari bah...*proceeds to empty entire contents of bag.* still no cellphone."

2nd stage. Anger.
"pisti man toh sya. yawaa sya! mayta mamatay tong giatay. leche!!! !@#$^&**^*()%##$"

3rd stage. Bargaining.
"*texts cellphone number. pleads w/ cellphone kawatan* *calls cellphone kawatan* one ring then no answer. grrr."

4th stage. Depression.
`endless eating and ingesting foods to keep mind off of the incident, nahan unta ko mag twiggen nya ni man ko kuygan sa ako kuya. rawr.
`sleeping instead of magstudy sa test nako sa philo kay na depressed nawala ang fone.
`wa naminaw sa discussion ni sir silot coz na sad. =<

^still in this stage^

5th stage. Acceptance.
`i have yet to reach this stage...

didnt want to be sentiMENTAL or preachy.. maybe im MORE bored than i thought i was...

Today is the 1st official day of my sembreak vaca.
After all the grueling hours of studying for finals, I can finally sit back and actually have a life.
I still cannot believe i SURVIVED this semester, let alone be somewhat glad just by thinking about it. Remembering my almost-"slit-my-wrists"-kind-of-depression when the term started back in June, I was NOT happy with my classes, schedule, classmates, people I was forced to be with and skool in general.
I was lonely, cranky, pessimistic and unhappy. Until then, I never realized that I, Melodee Ness Catarata Samontañez actually needed the company of my friends. Since time immemorial, I usually take my friends for granted, they're there and I'm there and there was nothing more to it. But then, when something that you've been used to have for so long is suddenly snatched from you, you tend to feel empty inside, like a part of you is missing or something like that and that is EXACTLY how I felt when all of a sudden I literally did not have anyone to talk to, spend time with, laugh around with anymore all because of my stupid class schedule.
Now, looking back, I realized that all of it was worth it.
Never in a million years would I realize my own worth as a person. Being constantly around friends or familiar people makes you relaxed and somewhat "dependent" on other people. But when you're all alone and no one but you is looking after you, you tend to come out of your comfort zone. You'd be able to know all the things you'd be good at because you work harder and you can have a chance to shine because you won't be overshadowed by your "comfort people".
Being alone this semester also paved way for me to know more people than I would've if I'd been with my friends. Like I said before, being with friends makes you comfy, too comfy that you don't wanna wander and discover other people or possibilities. Knowing and befriending new people eased my (although I'm ashamed to admit it) somewhat-judgemental quality. People aren't exactly what you percieve them to be. This one girl I used to make fun of a lot before is now someone I share stuffs to and at times I get to miss a lot. If you'd ask me before this semester for something about her, I'd have told you this one embarrasing thing she said aloud and that'd be the sole basis why I won't be caught dead being buddies with her. Now however, I'd be willing to defend her from people who would do the same thing I did to her. Crazy ain't it?
Yeah, so that would be just the tip of the iceberg to the zillion things that've changed for me this semester, but I dont wanna enumerate all of them now.
In the end, I guess God or fate or some higher being or force set me up to be separated from my friends this semester to change me, my perceptions and a small part of my life in general so as to build a better me ready to face the uncertain tomorrow.

The END of friendships?!?

ok...it's been awhile...but here i am! =)

I haven't done this lately, so I dont know where to begin anymore... hmmm.. let's just start with the word FRIENDS.

Typically, your average-everyday-people who you hang around with for company or the person who has been with you through UPS, especially DOWNS and that person you can share secrets with (without fear of it spreading like a virus), joke around with and sympathize/empathize with . Basically they are your extended family or the kuya/ate, brother/sister you never had. These people are your support system, your identity, your FRIENDS.

But then, what happens when someone decides to cross that invinsible line of friendship? What if someone realizes that the boundaries of friendship are too restrictive and impulsively strides over to the much greener pasture of relationships with love interests in mind?

Would this mean THE END of the "average-everyday-people" you get to hang around with everyday? Is this the death of your extended family; ie. kuya/ate, brother/sister relationship when you pursue girlfriend/boyfriend status?? Oh god, I sure hope not...

They say relationships are best formed between individuals who were friends first... but what if relationships would spell t-h-e e-n-d of friendships?! Is that greener pasture really worth the risk of trading for what grass you have in possession right now???

Hayz...when did life become so COMPLICATED?!

oh wait..scratch that. ;))

They aren't just people anymore... they are MY FRIENDS.

Whew. This day was exhausting and interesting.
Rereading my previous blog post which was dreary, sad and opposite of all hope...this day proved me wrong.
To make an EXTREMELY LONG story short, during chemistry laboratory, I confronted the leader of group 6 [allegedly the ones who copied from our group that lead us to have deduction points from the previous activity, I don't really know the WHOLE story because I wasn't there when Miss Teves decided to deduct points from our group for "seemingly" letting other group(s) copy from our work], Cezar, and asked him upfront about it. He was kinda reluctant at first but I kept pressing him on 'til he finally gave in. [mwahaha, the power of being a year older]
He told me [with almost everyone in the vicinity listening] that it was Satchi that got answers from our group. So I asked him where he supposed Satchi got her answers from [coz she was absent] and he sorta pointed to Clifford.
So with that, I confronted him about it, and he sorta went all crazy and started giving empty threats to us [fellow group members]. I got all irate and plunged back his threat back to him. That's when he went mental on me. I didn't see what really happened coz I sorta walked out on him, turning my back coz I didnt want to hear his rubbish. But later, Ate Kristine told me he was so angry that he was like shaking in fury AT me. damn. I got kinda scared, but was quickly reassured when Buddy and Vani came to my side and asked me what that was all about. I told them bits and pieces of what just happened and they told me they were gonna talk to him.
It wasn't until after Chemistry lecture that I had finally got ALL of Buddy and Vani's side of the story. After they saw that Clifford was going all mental on me, a girl nonetheless; they decided to "talk" to him. They approached him in the boys' cr where Clifford went after ChemLab. Their conversation are as follows:
"Bai, yaw shagit-shagiti amo amiga bai."
"Daghan man gud ko problema sa balay bai, nya pun-an pajud ani."
"Aw, kung naa kay problema sa balay bai, ayaw dad-a sa skwelahan bai. "
"Respeto pud ta ug babaye ba..."
"Mu respeto man ko ug babaye bai...basta respetohon sad ko..."
And then he got all teary-eyed [or so Buddy and Vani says] like he was gonna cry or something. Har-har-har. Serves him right. =]
Anyway, the fact that Buddy and Vani did what I won't normally expect them to do for me really TOUCHED me. I mean, the fact that we aren't even CLOSE was not a factor they considered when they confronted Clifford. They saw that I was being disrespected and they acted on it... even if the only time we ever talk to each other is before an exam in medterms or a quiz in chem or a return-demo in healthcare... still, they felt that they HAD to defend me from Clifford.
You know, before this day I hadn't considered them my "friends". Just acquaintances that I happen to see at school and share classes with. But after today, I look at them at a different light. They aren't people I just share classrooms with; they aren't just two guys constantly poking fun at anything or anyone, never taking their studies seriously; they aren't just classmates that ask me for an extra ballpen or what we are gonna do for the next class... they aren't these characteristics anymore...
Because from now on, I guess they are MY FRIENDS. =D

I guess, people like me deserve some good days too.

This day by far is the best one in all of my memory.

Instead of the usual happy events concluded by one sad moment that rips everything apart, today the dya started out just the opposite.

I was still quite pissed at my brother and my mom for the fiasco that happened last Friday night and I wasn't in the mood for anything. Not to talk, not to eat and not even to go to church [to hear mass]. I was pretty steamed all morning, even my dad started to notice it and began to ask me what's wrong. But I did not give him the benefit of a reply. Inside I was fuming.

Breakfast was hell. Church was hell. Heck, just being in the car with them all was suffocating. So I was mighty glad when my mom mentioned we were going to downtown Colon for some shopping. If there was anything that could ease my mood, it'd be 3 things: food, internet and shopping. I already tried the 1st one last Friday night after the fiasco but the next morning I woke up with a sour mood. The second one I tried yesterday [Saturday] and still when I woke up from my afternoon siesta, my mood was blacker than ever. So I guess the prospect of shopping to lighten my mood would be the last resort.

Well, guess what, it worked! [a bit]. By midday, I was nearly back to my old self again. ALMOST. But not quite... yet.

It wasn't until lunchtime that I was finally restored [haha, as if I was broken?]. The thing that made me smile again was the new mp4 player my aunt gave me as her belated birthday gift. ^_^

Shallow as it may seem, but music is my HAPPINESS. I have been putting aside some of my allowance for the very reason of purchasing an mp4 player for my music fixation, when out of the blue, the HEAVENS SMILED DOWN UPON me and gave me one instead!!! woohoo!!!

The rest of the day continued to go uphill and haven't suffered any major setbacks ever since... I guess the worst changing for the best [or nearly best] could happen in my life too.